COMMUNICATION WORKSHOP
Communication is much more than a set of rules to follow. True communication involves not only the appreciation and expression of our different realities but also our ability to commune, to share and perceive the same reality. It involves skillful use of one’s senses, one’s heart, one’s intellect to make authentic contact with another. It is the way we bridge our own internal state to get our needs met. After internal work, we can connect with the world, in ways that can be heard and accepted, if we listen as actively as we speak!
Approach
Definition
What is communication?
The Krishnamurti approach
starting from not knowing
Sharing same reality - on a meta level and primary level
Contact
process of navigation
seeing one's way clearly
Brain constructed for navigation
sharing
expressing
informing
verbal
nonverbal - beyond words
not a set of rules
communication is a dance
Some
purposes of communication
to check things out, reality testing
to assert differences in boundaries
to disagree
to process feelings
to express resentments and appreciations
to express her feelings - "ouch training"
to prepare and inform the other person
to defend oneself
to reflect back, to summarize validated and empathize
to disarm
to
confront, to give feedback
to
inform
Achieving intimacy
The
current state of affairs
Anti anger mentality
The ignoring of the "emotion" of disgust
The "emotional plague"
Projection
is rampant
Trapped
by beliefs & mild delusions
Requirements for communication
ACCURACY
OF PERCEPTIONS
Centeredness
reinstating self-regulation
when communication cannot occur
there can no real communication when people do not have accurate perceptions to a meta level
spontaneity
What is healthy communication?
The
original natural state
authenticity
Congruence of action / emotion / thought / spirit / intent to
levels of communication
Single statements should integrate feeling, in formation, honesty, Goodwill, intention congruence.
I and thou here and now.
Critical thinking
Spontaneity
Spark
Joining with the spark
misunderstood
guides to behavior
not
meant to be nuisances
not like screening theses
Intensity: expressing what you have to say at the right intensity. One must be able to express the full range of emotional intensity.
Dysfunctional communication.
TRIGGERING
BLAMING THE
TRIGGER
READ-IN-ESE
PUNITIVENESS
Avoidance of the
here and now
acting out
pseudo verification
lawnmower syndrome
Cookie cutter perceptions
Hardening of the categories
Cognitive errors
thinking from a conclusion
Losing one's way -- bogged down
attribution of motivation
keeping things to self until perceptual distortion
low tolerance of emotions and others
in tolerance of anger
airtight defenses
stimulus to search of her response
thinking from a conclusion
Feedback loops
Out of jointness
Misinterpretation
Why / because
Justification
avoidance driven
flipping
polarities
manipulation
(vs. actualization)
bear trapper
playing
dumb
resisting
blaming
placating
super
reasonable
off
balance
Homeostasis - self-regulation
blaming placating super reasonable off balance
leaky gates
projection -rampant
the world of Maya
layers or stages:
No. 1 delusions
believing your own triggered read in ease
perception -- temporary
Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde
No. 2 beliefs:
stable believes -- to prevent triggering
shoulds
beliefs that control behaviors
opinions
role-playing layer -- role-playing to prevent triggering
No. 3 projections:
not buying into your own triggered perception -- implosion
reality testing -- read-in-ese
No. 4: retroflections
going to the root of perception and feeling the original impulse turned back inside
best layer/implosion layer
No. 5 introjections:
core believes of the child that are anti-life
No. 6 authentic self free of introjects
free expression
authentic layer
no shoulds only is's
very likely to trigger others
the healthier we get the more we can trigger others
spontaneous
life vs. anti-life
Theory
printed material
diagrams
interdimensional aspects of communication
End gain / means whereby
Meta level of truth
representations, models of the other person
perceptions as hypotheses
Principles
catching the ball
acting vs. acting through
90 - 10 RULE
BLAMING THE TRIGGER
WAYS WE AVOID BEING TRIGGERED
READ-IN-EASE
AVOIDANCE OF THE HERE AND NOW
ANGER PHOBIA
THE NATURE OF EMOTIONS
ACCURACY OF PERCEPTION
REALITY TESTING
CONTACT
PROJECTIONS
BELIEFS AND MILD DELUSIONS
GETTING SUFFICIENT INFORMATION
CENTEREDNESS
GOODWILL
VALIDATION / CONFRONTATION
CONGRUENCE
SPONTANEITY “SUF”
SPLITS
“Schmuck” tolerance
90 -- 10 rule
Feelings are neither justified or unjustified they just are.
No. 1 whatever is on the outside -- the opposite is underneath
No. 2 what you can tolerate in yourself you can't tolerate and others.
No. 3 feelings are neither justified or unjustified, they just are.
No. 4 the emotional reactions are 90 percent your own stuff and 10 percent of the outside.
No. 5 if you don't know yourself you can't know and other person. (It takes [knowledge of] one to know one)
communication equation: my needs + your needs + the context =
Solutions and
processes
confrontation
Rules of
communication
I statements,
you statements,
context statements,
information statements
rules of fair fighting
ouch training
Feedback
Checkouts - reality testing
process before going with a reaction - Inquiry checkout phrases Insufficient information phrases: checkout your read ins
, : What’s going on here?
Is there anything else going on?
Do I get a sense of honesty in congruence?
What's missing? - insufficient information
What am I picking up on?
What are you feeling?
How are you responding to this
Tell me more about.
checkout phrases
I have a fantasy that...
I imagine that …
I imagine…
I experience you as…
hypothesizing vs. reading in
directness
Exercises
"now I am aware of" exercise
pairing off, "here and
now" exercise
mind reading exercise
Susan Campbell exercise
Sentence completion exercises
Defensive listening exercise
Aggression rituals
empty chair technique
remote viewing game
repeated question exercise
check-in assumptions exercise
center punching
Sun Valley - reflective listening exercise
defensive
listening exercise
spontaneous uncensored flow
SUF
Specific Problems - presented by participants
what to do when stuck
Handouts
credo for relationships
workshop outline
Susan Campbell forms
relationship questionnaires